Men Jokes

Men jokes are invented by women, and it usually points out how shallow and dumb we are. What does it mean? Who cares? Just grab your beer, drink with your buddies, and think about it as their way of showing their concern for you through constructive criticism.



What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted !

What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind 2. No business

Why did God create man?
He needed to practice

Lawyer honeymoon

A couple is on their honeymoon and the new bride tells her husband to be gentle because she is a virgin. Shocked, the groom says, “but you’ve been married three times before.”

“Yeah,” she says, “but my first husband was a psychologist and only wanted to talk about it, my second husband was a gynecologist and only wanted to look at it, and my third husband was a stamp collector and only wanted to…God, I miss him.”

After a moment of silence, she then turns to her newest husband and says, “And since you’re an attorney I know I’m going to get screwed.”

The Most Beautiful Advice.

An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'

1. Pray..
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus.'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.

'If God is for us, who can be against us?'

lie to me

I walkde in - you walked out
I knew right then - something was up
Ya said dont ask me no questions - wont tell ya no lies
It comes as such a surprise
Think Ill close my eyes- to the pain
Cuz tonight in dont wanna know where youve bin

So wont you lie to me
Then I cant be mistaken
Swear that you will lie to me
I dont wanna hear my heart breakin

Tell me things that I wanna hear
I dont give a damn if you andt sincere
Baby just swear (baby just swear)
Swear that youll lie (swear that youll lie) to me

You walked in - I walked out
Baby t6his aint waht - weve bin about
If I touched your hand - would ya pull it away
Was it something I didndt say
I forgive ya all - the same
But tonight I dont wanna know where youve bin



You cant say the things you want
I wont let ya tell the truth
Cuz I dont (cut I dont) give a damn (give a damn)
And I dont (and I dont) wanna know where youve bin.

heaven

Oh - thinkin about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free

Now nothin can take you away from me
Weve been down that road before
But thats over now
You keep me comin back for more
Baby youre all that I want
When youre lyin here in my arms
Im findin it hard to believe
Were in heaven

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isnt too hard to see
Were in heaven

Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when youre feelin down

Ya - nothin could change what you mean to me
Oh theres lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way



Ive bin waitin for so long
For somethin to arrive
For love to come along

Now our dreams are comin true
Through the good times and the bad
Ya - Ill be standin there by you